Last weekend was insane in the DC area. A huge storm hit Friday night, rather unexpectedly, immediately knocking power out to millions--yes millions--of residents in MD, VA, and DC. I live on a great power grid with some local businesses, but even I lost power for nearly 24 hours. My family was out for a full 4 days in the middle of a heatwave with temps feeling like over 100 degrees.
On Saturday, after sitting in my hot condo all day, I decided to go out to dinner with a neighbor to get some A/C and food. Right before I left for dinner, my power came back on and I literally screamed for joy. My friend, however, didn't get her power and asked if she could spend the night. Of course I said yes.
On the way to the restaurant another friend called asking to spend the night and I just don't have a big enough place (or enough beds) to have more than one person/couple so I said no. She nearly cried, and I felt bad, but I just couldn't do it. This friend in particular likes to push boundaries and is very demanding. Basically she is not an easy friend and had kind of screwed me recently so I didn't feel that bad saying no.
But I told her she could come over the next day as I figured my other friend would have power by then. The next day she called and I expected her to say she wanted to spend the night but instead she wanted to bring over meat from her freezer that was going to go bad. A reasonable request. Then she said some of the meat wasn't frozen and would need to be cooked so she would cook me dinner. Under most circumstances again reasonable and nice. However, I was going for a much-needed massage and really just wanted to chill when I got home, instead of dealing with cooking and then cleaning it up. She pushed and pushed so I said yes, which was a mistake.
She came over with a huge cloth bag leaking blood everywhere from the already-defrosted meat. I had just mopped the floors that week and I couldn't believe the audacity of bringing a filthy dripping bag into someone's home to mess the carpets and floors. Plus I have two dogs, who were more than eager to help clean the mess. She set the bag on my clean kitchen floor to bleed everywhere. Disgusting. I about blew a gasket but held it together, though I did say something about it. She offered to clean it, but she is the worst housekeeper ever so I took care of it myself with some bleach.
We stuffed my freezer full of meat, and started cooking. I even brought out the grill to avoid heating the kitchen too much. She kept making all these complicated things, and there were pounds and pounds of meat to cook. WTF? It was 8:30 and we still hadn't finished cooking everything or eaten, and all the stress relief from my massage was gone. I was furious--I just wanted to eat and have her get the hell out of there, and I finally lost it. This was NOT how I wanted to spend my Sunday night before I had to go to work the next day. This was NOT how I wanted to spend the evening after the first real relaxation I'd felt in months. I let her have it. She somewhat apologized for being an imposition, but I'm sure given the chance she would do it all over again cause that's how she is. It doesn't matter how she puts someone out as long as she gets what she wants. On the flip side, however, she can be a very generous and thoughtful person, but often she has no common sense when dealing with other people.
I know this is my issue. I should have told her she could bring the items but not cook them as I really needed some time to myself that night. I would have had to cook the meat during the week, which I didn't want to do, or throw it out, but I guess that's the risk I should have taken. I still should have set more boundaries than I did. I should have said no and not ruined my night in order to help a friend. That's my biggest problem. I always want to help people out, but it often comes at my own expense and I wind up feeling resentful. So this is something I really need to work on. Next time, I will just say no, or set limits to what I am willing to deal with so I don't wind up getting upset in the end.
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