Why I Hate Decisions

So since my last post, I made the decision to:

1. Hire the person with more experience. I just don't have the time or energy to take on another newbie employee project. I need someone to jump in with both feet and take the burden off me after doing their job for almost 4 months. The person starts Monday, so fingers crossed.

2. Do surgery and holistic. The surgery, after agonizing about the decision, ultimately didn't work. The tumor was too invasive to remove. All that money down the drain and my poor dog having to recover only to decline in a few months. I could have put him down on the table, but I just couldn't do it. I should have done radiation, less invasive and less money. But also would buy less time. I did surgery cause I was just greedy--wanted him to stay around for longer. He is recovering well, but it all just sucks and I regret not going with my gut instinct not to do it. A decision that backfired.

3. Not go into business. It would be SOOO much work. I do enough fucking work between my job and volunteer stuff, I just don't have the energy for more, even if it will make me money. I need to have more fun.

Decisions

I have had to make some big decisions lately, and I am really struggling with them. I can't seem to make a decision when there is no clear-cut choice. I have always been able to see too many sides of the story, too many "what ifs." It drives me crazy. And my boss--got called out for this on my review. So there must be something to it. The decisions I've had to make recently:

1. Which new employee to hire? Two great candidates, just one slot. Both very different. I did finally make a decision but was I happy with it? No. I was glad to make a decision, and hopefully I will be happy once she starts, but bummer about the other person.

2. What to do with my dog? I have scheduled surgery, and also have a holistic vet coming. There are too many tough choices, and I don't want to do anything that will make the rest of my dog's life worse.

3. Should I join a colleague in business? It's kind of one of those pyramid things but with a reputable company and chance for real profit. There's not much risk to joining, but it would take a lot of effort. Do I have the energy though I need the money?

Why do I have such a hard time making decisions? For me, the grass has always been greener, and that's a tough way to look at the world.