Double Blind Dating

So my friend who is dating the guy that I now covet invited me over to his place this past weekend to be sort of a double date for someone visiting from England. It was a fun evening of playing pool, dinner, drinks, and a fun board game called Sequence, though I lost miserably. The guy from England turned out to be much older, and not at all attractive. He was nice and funny, and of course the accent was to die for, but he is not someone I would consider dating. He, however, took quite a fancy to me and wants to see me this weekend before he goes home. Luckily I think I am busy, but why couldn't he be 15 years younger and hot like his friend?

Thou Shalt Not Covet

I went to dinner the other night with a good friend who hasn't dated in a while. She told me she met someone and while she didn't think it would lead to a serious relationship, she liked this guy and was having fun. It was good to hear that she was back out there and enjoying it.

Our outings typically end early, so I was surprised when she wanted to text said new guy and see if he wanted to come join us for a drink around 10 pm. It was a Thursday night so I thought why not stay out late cause tomorrow is Friday.

This guy walks in, he's a good 10 years younger than her and closer to my age. Very good looking, well-built, funny. We hit it off and he was asking me questions and telling jokes like we were on a date. At one point he took my hand and was telling silly fortunes. There was music playing, and while he danced with her first, he also danced with me. The end of the night came and they started smooching goodbye so I made my way to the bathroom and realized "I really like this guy!" But from the way my friend was acting all night, so does she.

So now I'm caught in this terrible crush on my friend's date. I am doing my best to realize it's not a good situation and move on, but I do admit to looking at his LinkedIn profile in the hopes that he would see that I did. I know where he hangs out so I could do something really stupid, but I won't cause I don't want to do anything to jeapardize my friendship. But what a total bummer!

In the meantime, there was this other guy at the bar that I recognized, he is a neighbor. He kept making eyes at me and asked me to dance when there was no music playing. He was pretty drunk and slurring his words, and at the end of the night he said "It was good to see you even though we didn't make out." Really?

13 Days to Crash and Burn (Or, Sad But True Dating Truths)

So much for NY Eve opportunities, it took precisely 13 days for things to end with the new guy. I don't know what is going on with dating these days except here are the top 5 truths I've unfortunately uncovered recently:

1. Everyone is lying. A lot. Three guys I broke up with last year were lying about other women, thinking I wouldn't find out. Guys, we're not stupid. You make stupid excuses, hide it poorly, and we're not supposed to know? Come on.

2. Dating doesn't exist anymore. Guys don't want to date or have committed relationships. In the DC area, where the ratio of women to men is ridiculous, guys have their pick of a lot of girls. And they go with that. And try to sleep with as many of them as possible with no commitment afterwards.

3. Real communication doesn't exist either. Guys think it's ok to ask you out or "talk" to you via text and never pick up the phone. Really? I used to refuse to go out via text request, but I realized if I do that, then I'll never have any dates.

4. Marriage is on the rocks. Of the current guys in my "flirtation rotation," two are married. One of them has approached me seriously about taking things further, claiming an "open marriage." WTF?

5. Age doesn't matter anymore. In the past few months, I have been out with a 23-year-old and a 60-year-old. And they were both equally as immature and didn't last.

Anyway, that's my assessment of what's going on out there. Anyone have similar experiences? Think I'm out of my mind?

A New Year, New Opportunities

I can't believe it's been over two months since I last posted. Things have been really crazy with work, holidays, etc. New Year's Eve was super-fun. I go to the same party every year with a group of friends. There's live music, food, drink, all for a really good price. I took a date to last year's party, and it was a disaster for a variety of reasons and the evening ended badly, as did the relationship a couple of weeks later. Ironically this guy who ruined my night last year was texting me this year to meet him at a party. Really??

So this year I went to the party by myself, and lo and behold I met someone there, much to my surprise. I guess there's a first for everything. Meeting a new guy on NY Eve, what could be better? He actually didn't talk with me much and didn't dance with me until I was about to leave with friends to go to another bar. He wanted to come so we told him where we were going and he actually managed to find us, and got my number. We went out the next day and have been out 3 times since.

I don't want to get my hopes up, but somehow this year I actually did feel different on New Year's Day, like things I was doing last year I couldn't continue to do this year. I don't know if it had to do with the guy specifically, but there was definitely some page that turned that night, and made it feel like this new year had some real possibilities. It was amazing to wake up and feel it is a whole new ball game this year. And that is a really great feeling.

The Me I Want to Be

Today at work I had a meeting with the marketing person from a law firm that we work with. I wasn't sure what to expect, and much to my surprise the woman was so much like me it was kind of scary. We had very similar spirits of travel, adventure, and daring, and wanted many of the same things from our lives. The thing is that she is actually living her life towards her goals and dreams, whereas I'm still in the thinking part about them. That is both cool and depressing. For example, for Christmas she is going to England and housesitting! For New Years, she is going to Italy. It gave me hope that maybe the things I want aren't as crazy and impossible as I might think. Maybe some of my dreams are really achievable. It's like she was a better-than-me version of me. We hit it off so well we went out for a drink, and promised to stay in touch and create our own adventures together at some point.

One Promise Too Late

I recently went out of town for work, and got to see a "coworker" whom I have an enormous crush on. We met a year ago and clicked instantly. I haven't felt this way about anyone in a long time. He's adorable, funny, considerate, and very Italian/NY/NJ which is something I have always been very attracted to, back to my Italian heritage. Of course, he's married with two teenage kids. I feel like we should have met like 20 years ago, and now it's as Reba McEntire says, One Promise Too Late (as an aside, this is a hilarious YouTube clip, could her hair have been any bigger?). I have no intention of being a homewrecker and complicating my life by getting involved with a married man--not to mention the distance factor--so the whole situation just sucks. My dating theory these days is that the guys I like are either too young, too much trouble (players), or too married. So unfortunately I am proving my theory right yet again, though at least he's age-appropriate and not a player, as I believe he's an upstanding guy and wouldn't step out on his wife, despite any aforementioned clicking.

9/11 Is My Birthday

So today is my birthday. I had someone ask me on Facebook what it was like, if it was hard to enjoy the day now that it's associated with such tragedy. The truth is, yes, it sucks, the day is forever ruined. To this day, people still react with shock when I tell them my birthday, like it was never a normal day before 2001. I am in a writing group and this is actually an essay that I am working on.

I have already cried twice today watching all the memorial stuff and reading things on Facebook. Although I enjoyed a massage and am going out to dinner at my favorite restaurant with one of my favorite friends tonight, I still can't escape the fact that today is what it is.

In my essay, I liken how I feel about the day to how I feel when a loved one dies: I feel a huge loss and sadness, both on a personal level and for the country and those who suffered and died. It is something that I (and the country) will never get over, but over time the pain lessens and the healing begins. I will always miss the innocence and sense of peace of my pre-2001 birthday, like I will always miss a loved one who died, but I have learned to live with and accept it and do the best I can to get over the sadness and move on with my life.

The Trouble with Staycations

So this week I am on a "staycation" necessitated by lack of budget but need for a seriously long break from work. The good thing about staycations is that you can take the time to do whatever you want to do, explore things you have never explored, yadda yadda yadda. The bad thing is that you have no one to do things with cause everyone else is working and doesn't want to take off to entertain you so you don't feel so damn lonely. It's actually kind of all a big fat waste of time. I live alone and have no significant other, so I have plenty of regular "alone time" and trying to come up with things to do by myself actually kind of sucks. So although I've gone to the pool, and to a nice "beach," I can't help but feel that this 5 day depletion of annual leave really wasn't the best use of my time. I even tried to get a massage but scheduled with the wrong person so it wasn't what I hoped it would be. So I guess what I really want to say is STAYCATIONS SUCK! Next time I will just suck if up and spend the money to go somewhere to escape reality and my really horrible, boring, lonely, awful life!

Friend of Last Resort

It's been a really tough week, so I guess I'm feeling extra cynical today, but here goes. I have become pretty good friends with a girl in my neighborhood recently. She calls and texts a lot and we hang out sometimes. However, she often drops out of sight in the middle of a text stream, and I just get the feeling that she's found something better to do with her time. Like I'm her friend of last resort. When she's bored, no one interesting is responding to her, etc. she's up my ass. But when she has other plans, she goes MIA.

Ironically, she complains about a friend of hers who does something similar and only wants to hang out with her on certain terms and with certain people. Yet my friend doesn't always invite me to hang out with certain crowds. Occasionally she'll ask me something that is almost an afterthought, like "oh, a bunch of us are getting together, and I guess you could come if you're not busy." Yeah, thanks but no thanks.

Last night she was apparently bored and was going to have me over for some wine. I had plans and couldn't make it, and suggested tonight as an alternative, but I haven't heard from her since some texts around 4 pm. Oh well, guess she's not bored enought to hang with me tonight.

Dating by Text and Social Media

I got asked out last week by text by a guy I've met only a couple of times. He's a nice enough guy, but he spent last week frequently texting me (which I hate but have grudgingly accepted is the way of the world) without ever calling despite the fact that I had asked him a couple of times to call so we could discuss schedules.

It kills me that this supposedly interested guy texted me day and night, but he would never pick up the phone to actually talk. Call me old fashioned, but I'm not going out with you if you don't even have the balls, courtesy, nerve, decency, desire to talk to me, whatever, to call me.

So this week he asked me out again Monday by text, and by Tuesday I had decided I wasn't going to go out with him. He claimed he was going to call Tuesday night, but why was I waiting around for him to call? Somehow I felt the decent thing to do was tell him "in person" that I wasn't going to date him, but why did he deserve that courtesy when I didn't? Instead I turned the tables on him and told him "no" on Facebook. Not on his wall, but as a message. He apparently got my point, and put a post on his wall acknowledging that he just learned a hard lesson and apparently had to work on his communication skills and not rely so much on texting.

Incidentally, the main reason I wouldn't go out with him was because he was 10 years younger than me and I learned the hard way from past experience that is too young. Ironically, I think that his inability to deal with me as a person versus a text illustrates my point exactly. Next!

Beach Bust

I have needed a vacation so badly, and finally took a long weekend to go to Ocean City, MD, this weekend. I think I honestly haven't been there in over 20 years. I used to hate Ocean City--it was so crowded and took forever to drive down to the boardwalk. It was a total pickup beach at a time when I just wasn't interested in that. So needless to say I wasn't entirely excited to go but it was close and reasonably cheap. I have to say I was pleasantly surprised at how much Ocean City had improved--virtually no traffic!

My travel companion was a neighbor with whom I have traveled before. She had badly sprained her ankle this week, and probably shouldn't have gone but she insisted she was fine. Of course this meant she couldn't do much, walk far, or move fast, and expected me to wait on her more than I was prepared to do. Kind of infuriating.

I met up with other friends who happened to be in Ocean City that same weekend, and they are always full of drama and BS so that added to the ambience. One guy barely speaks to me cause I wouldn't date him years ago cause he's a total player. Another is completely stuck in his ways, yet to his credit we convinced him to do some different things. And the one girl wound up ripping me off inadvertently during dinner by not adding up her bill correctly, again all kind of infuriating.

Don't get me wrong, there were some fun moments, sunset dinner at BJs on the Water, now a new favorite; dinner at an old favorite Harpoon Hanna's; ice cream at Dumser's; and a really fun DJ and bar crowd at the Carousel, where we stayed. Again, that was a throwback to my youth.

I ate too much, drank too much, all the markings of a good vacation, but unfortunately it was just for a weekend, and it rained most of the time. I am trying to get away again at the end of the month, but having logistical and financial difficulties so I don't know if it's going to happen. Maybe the stars will align this week and I'll figure it all out...

A Day in the Life (and Death)

A while back I blogged about a neighbor who was dying, and last week she finally, peacefully, passed. She was suffering and wasting away, so as terrible as it is to say, it was a blessing. The viewing was Monday night, and the services were yesterday. I was unable to attend the funeral itself due to work, but I went to the viewing Monday and the reception yesterday.

Ironically, yesterday was a friend's birthday, a big one with 0's. He had invited some friends to celebrate at a local bar, so after the funeral reception, I headed over to the birthday party. What a weird day, and an odd juxtaposition of life and death. I was glad I could be there yesterday for both of my friends.

Obsessed with Ryan Lochte

Is it wrong to be obsessed with someone young enough to be . . . my nephew? I have to say I love, love, love Ryan Lochte. He so reminds me of this guy I really liked and almost dated recently. He had a really similar look and physique. What a pity it never happened.

The Other Side of Friendship

In my last post I blogged about friendship and how something as small as distance can make a big distance in a relationship. However, the flip side of it is, that sometimes distance or time doesn't matter at all. There are some people who matter so much that despite distance, or the amount of time since you've last seen the person, your feelings don't dimish or change. I am fortunate enough to have an equal number of friends in my life that qualify for this as I do people who move two counties over and I never see again. For that, I am truly grateful. My favorite example is my best friend who moved to Memphis 2-1/2 years ago. While I miss having her in the neighborhood, I know that our friendship will remain steadfast, and we talk on almost a weekly basis. So that, my friends, is the other side of friendship. The side that makes it all worthwhile.

Friends by Proximity and Marital Status

As much as I hate to admit it, most of my friends live close by and typically are single like me. As much as we try to stay in touch with people after they get married, leave the job, move out of the neighborhood, or otherwise move on, it's very hard in this day and age when people are so busy. Even though they may live only 15-20 minutes away, it's harder with schedules being so hectic to plan time together. I try to do a good job balancing, but it's not a perfect science.

So tonight we had a going away party for some neighbors who are moving to fricking Leesburg. Might as well be Hawaii, as I know I will never see them again. Not only will they be far away, but they have 2 young kids. Why would they ever call me? Even when they lived here they never called me, I just happened to see them a lot because they were . . . well, neighbors and I ran into them frequently as they walked their dogs. They are super nice people, but even though I offered to babysit after they had their first kid like 2-1/2 years ago, they never took me up on it. So there is no hope that I will see them unless they have some sort of party and invite me. Even then it would be tough to get there and back, and really unless they have a lot of single friends it might not be worth my time as I don't want to hang out with a bunch of "married with kids."

That's sad, but truly way things are today. I only have a certain amount of free time and if they're not close enough distance-wise and can't offer me any possibility of meeting a single guy, I might not go to a party all the way in Leesburg. That all being said, I really will miss them a lot, but I'm just trying to be realistic.

Good Hair Matters--on Men Too!

Hair really makes a look. Everyone talks about women's hair, whether it's colored, cut, upswept, whatever. Especially in Hollywood. But how often do people talk about men's hair? I just watched an episode of House tonight for the first time in a long time, and Jesse Spencer, who plays Dr. Robert Chase, has cut his beautiful, awesome, super-cool hair since I last saw him. For me, the spark is gone. Now he looks like any boring generic actor, whereas he used to look sexy, his green eyes sparkling and his Australian accent adding to his appeal. Now, he's just blah.

The same thing happened to me with George Clooney back in the day. When he was on ER and had that floppy, untamed, gorgeous head of hair, he was something--in his prime. Then he got that Caeser cut that I think looks hideous on every man, and immediately looked boring, older, and generic. I am used to it now, and with all the gray he couldn't have it long again, but it was definitely a terrible move 10 years ago.

Lately I have seen Nordic God Chris Hemsworth with shorn (yes, shorn) hair that makes him look boring as hell. What are these guys thinking?

And last but not least, I acknowledge a positive hair change. Dierks Bentley, who used to have longer, curly, goofy hair, recently got it chopped off and now looks sexy and dangerous. Congratulations, Dierks, now I think you are totally hot. I'm sure that my opinion on some random blog matters to this country superstar.

Procrastination

If there was a degree in Procrastination, I think I would have been a shoo-in for that major. I am the hugest procrastinator when I don't want to do something, for example, packing. I hate packing. I am leaving tomorrow for a trip and haven't packed a damn thing. Or cleaned the bathroom, or changed the sheets for the dog walker, or done any of the million things I will be panicking about tomorrow that will lead to yelling and cursing and misery. My poor dogs will just cower and wonder what the hell they did wrong. But tonight I have wanted to do everything but pack. At nearly 10 pm, I am starting to think about what I will pack, but I am far from even starting. And Fashion Police starts now, so I will have to watch that. While I pack, of course.

In my last writing group meeting, we talked about what we would do if we really hit the lottery big. Of course, travel came up, and housekeeping, but I think I would also hire someone to pack for my travels as I can't stand to do it myself.

And if you haven't picked up on this, this blog post is yet another feeble attempt to . . . wait for it . . . procrastinate. So with that I will sign off and say that I'm not sure I can post while I'm away, but that depends on whether I take this laptop or not. And of course, I am procrastinating until tomorrow to make that decision.

Things I Love: Toxic Complainers

Here is another installment of "Things I Love," an occasional rant where I talk about, well, fabulous things I love.

Tonight I was verbally attacked by my neighbor as we coincidentally walked in the building together after work. (First thing I love: Being yelled at after a hard day of work at my front door, for no reason.) He's been mad for a few days about some restaurant leaving flyers at our doors--we live in a locked building so he is justified in being upset. I am very involved in neighbood committees and for that reason some people think they can bring me every complaint and I'll have a solution or somehow take responsibility for it. Well, I'm getting tired of playing that role. Just because you're mad at something doesn't mean that I care or want to help you with your crusade. I have plenty of my own, thank you.

Anyway the other day he took his concerns to the board. Very good. However, something set him off again about it tonight, and he started going off about why the neighborhood citizens' association newsletter (which I contribute to) was allowed to be left at doors when other things weren't, and I tried to point out it's a neighborhood publication that benefits all residents. But he wasn't listening. Since I'm involved with the newsletter, I guess he figured it was convenient to make it all my fault. He was yelling to the point where I said "I'm tired of dealing with everyone else's fucking anger" and went inside, slamming the door.

I really love when people have nothing better to do than bitch and moan and complain, but they never get involved in doing anything to make a difference or a change. If he's that concerned about this ridiculous issue he should get off his very fat ass and get involved in the community instead of just bitching about it to people who are involved and don't deserve to be bitched at for no reason. Man, I was pissed and it took quite a while to calm down. Next time I see him and he opens his mouth, I intend to just hold up my "talk to the hand" and tell him I don't want to hear anymore. Asshole. And I'm going to stop being the nice neighbor and finally complain to the property management office next time his smoking smells up the entire building, and I have to suffer through secondhand smoke so thick you can cut it, just to walk to my door. Ok, that feels better. Thanks for listening. (And for those of you who know who I'm talking about, please keep this rant between us!)

When To Pass Up a Free Vacation

I recently found out that a group of friends of a good friend of mine is going to the Outer Banks in early September, and they invited me to go. My friend can't go, and I desperately need a vacation and want to go. However, while I really like these people, I just don't know if I would feel comfortable going without her. I think deep down she would be somewhat jealous if I went with "her" friends, plus one of the guys in the group is totally cute and if something were to happen with us (which is not out of the realm of possibility) I think she would be really pissed. So while this trip would be awesome--practically free, fun, and one of my favorite beaches--I think I better just say no.

Oh, Those Summer Ni-ghts!

I just got in from puttering in the yard . . . watering, weeding, etc. I have things I need to clean up and replant but that was too much effort for tonight. I have to say, there is not much that makes me happier than a warm summer night. I just love being outside, reading or hanging out and waiting for the bats to come out at dusk. It reminds me of the best times of my adolescence and early adulthood . . . sitting outside in the driveway with my best friend J., my sisters, and whatever boys we were dating at the time. We would sit outside for hours, talking, laughing, playing music ("Pour Some Sugar on Me" by Def Leppard and anything by Guns N Roses), and sneaking our beverage of choice, wine coolers. We thought we were so cool and so grown up. And so sneaky--we always thought our parents didn't know, but I'm sure they did. Those are some of my fondest memories, back when things were much simpler and somehow, surprisingly, seemingly happier.